Monday, December 13, 2010

In memory of...

Posts will continue in their regular consistency and upbeat attitude, but I just wanted to let you know of a situation that I’m going through. I also needed to unload, express how I feel, since I've been upset and emotional about it since Saturday. I usually don’t go into very personal things here (though my definition of personal is perhaps very different, as I talk about poop, weight issues, depression, etc), but I’m going through a tough time since this past Saturday. Through Facebook, I received a message from an old ex-friend in regards to an old university friend of mine. It stated that if I could get into contact with another friend because our friend, A, had passed away.

When I read the e-mail, I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t. We hadn’t heard from him for a couple of years; he’d disappeared from the university. My friend K managed to get into contact with him a few months ago, but he was not as open as he was before. Again, we didn’t know how he passed. We had speculated, due to the sad state of affairs this country is in, that he had either been a victim of a hate crime or he had committed suicide.

Today, I found out that he had committed suicide last week, from Sunday to Monday. He left no note; he was found in his dorm.
A was one of the most beautiful and amazing people we’d ever known. He was open and sincere, and he was always willing to hear you and try to help you out. I still remember him going to school in his long black skirts. He also had the most beautiful black hair. We loved running our hands through it. I remember K and I arguing with him about missing class and getting ridiculously drunk. I remember him getting the highest score in his entire class while he was drunk. We berated him for it, but still. A was incredibly smart. I will always remember him.

When I found out that he died, I immediately felt the urge to vomit. The thoughts racing through my head were that somebody killed him or he committed suicide. A was gay and he had faced harassment and discrimination from both random people and, to make things worse, his family. His parents forced him into a “de-gay” program, made him go to a psychiatrist and put him under heavy anti-psychotics. A wasn’t psychotic. He just was A. Gay or not, he didn’t deserve anything that happened to him and now I feel like shit because I’m thinking we could’ve done more for him.

I don’t think I can say anything else except that people have to accept others as they are. The type of discrimination that many people face, be they emos, goths, GLBT community, and sundry, is ridiculous and unnecessary. Underneath it all, we’re all the same. We are human beings with feelings, thoughts, memories, and connections between us. Why can’t we all just get along? Why can’t we all just respect each other? It’s the least we could do.

A, we will miss you. We will never forget you. I hope that now you’ve found the peace that you so searched for in life, even though we will miss you. While you were with us, you made us so happy. We love you very much, and we're sorry we couldn't do more.


Zeynep said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It's really awful how people can be so cruel. It sounds like you were a good friend to him. (Hugs)

Stella said...

Thank you. I really do hope I was a good friend, but it's hard not to think that one could've done more. But, again, thanks. :)