“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”
- Bob Marley
via Rachel Reports Life
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, August 15, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
On the Subject of Weight
Weight is a very personal subject matter. Whatever you do or don't do to your body is a highly individual decision that shouldn't be influenced by society. Friends and/or family are the only ones that I believe have some say on the matter, particularly if you are in a dangerous situation caused by your weight. But, other than that, I don't think anyone should intervene.
My problem is that many blogs/people/media outlets feel it's their business to go around policing people's bodies, in particular, their weight, shape, and size. Apparently, being a certain size is only acceptable in certain situations. And most of these situations are hypersexualized or highly fetishized. In the end, you're not being loved or accepted for yourself. You're being tentatively welcomed in by molding into their notions of what is acceptable in weight, shape, and size. If you don't concede, fit in, you can ship out.
I think I am particularly sensitive to this because my teenage years were spent with a couple of extra pounds on. While I am tall and many people would argue that the weight wasn't that visible, it was visible enough for some people to poke fun at. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't give the matter much thought, as I honestly considered high school just a pit stop for a greater time in life. What really annoyed me, in the years to come, were the concepts attached to people who carry extra weight and the way that weight loss/gain/etc. was approached.
This all came to a head during a conversation with a good friend of mine. We began talking about a thread on social media that she started innocently enough. A short while ago, there was a "No Fat Talk" week, and she posted about that on Google Buzz. The conversation went well until some people started reacting negatively to the concepts of fat and no fat talk. That is where our dialogue started.
A summary: the article discussed how a "No Fat Talk" week was implemented to avoid negative body image and to reinforce the idea that beauty was not tied to fat. They interviewed people who worked in dance, an area that is rife with heavy pressure to conform to a body beauty ideal. The concept seemed to work well, but there are still body image issues.
While I understand what "No Fat Talk" week is about, I can also see why people were lashing back. Eliminating the word "fat" from our conversation isn't going to eliminate body issues. Oh no. They are still there. If we did not work with positive reconditioning and self-acceptance, the word fat will have an effect, whether or not it is used in conversation. I understand that people use weight as an arbiter of health and attractiveness. For example, "You look great! Did you lose weight!" or "Wow, you've come into your shape." Things like that always point towards weight gain or loss. And we cannot use weight as an arbiter of health, happiness, or style.
My biggest gripe comes from the fact that people focus on weight so much as an issue of fashion or image. Nobody discusses the dangers of weight loss or gain. Done radically or unnecessarily, you put yourself in dangerous situations. Perhaps we should talk about weight in regards to health: physical, emotional, and psychological. After all, you could be skinny, but if you do not work out and keep your body healthy, you could have a plethora of health problems that a person that could be considered overweight (but works out) has.
Weight should not be a measure of happiness. For some, weight loss or gain will come with happiness, but I believe it is derived from the changes we see, not just because we are subjecting ourselves to roles. Happiness comes from accepting yourself and achieving things that make you feel good. My own weight loss brought me happiness not only because I found myself better in a physical image sense, but because my health was very much improved. My back problems got better, my knee pain subsided.
Perhaps this is my biggest problem with fashion lately. With magazines like Vogue Curvy, that feature one type of "curvy" and it is a highly fetishized and sexualized sort. When you have people like Karl Lagerfeld saying things like "Narrow ribcages are the chicest thing." or "The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."
Yes, the body has to be impeccable. Impeccably healthy, impeccably loved, no matter what. You can be the most fantastic looking person on the outside, but if you are emotionally, psychologically, and physically ill, you're not achieving anything.
Remember: your body is your own. You should be healthy, inside and out. There is beauty in all of us, don't let anybody police you into destroying yourself.
My problem is that many blogs/people/media outlets feel it's their business to go around policing people's bodies, in particular, their weight, shape, and size. Apparently, being a certain size is only acceptable in certain situations. And most of these situations are hypersexualized or highly fetishized. In the end, you're not being loved or accepted for yourself. You're being tentatively welcomed in by molding into their notions of what is acceptable in weight, shape, and size. If you don't concede, fit in, you can ship out.
I think I am particularly sensitive to this because my teenage years were spent with a couple of extra pounds on. While I am tall and many people would argue that the weight wasn't that visible, it was visible enough for some people to poke fun at. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't give the matter much thought, as I honestly considered high school just a pit stop for a greater time in life. What really annoyed me, in the years to come, were the concepts attached to people who carry extra weight and the way that weight loss/gain/etc. was approached.
This all came to a head during a conversation with a good friend of mine. We began talking about a thread on social media that she started innocently enough. A short while ago, there was a "No Fat Talk" week, and she posted about that on Google Buzz. The conversation went well until some people started reacting negatively to the concepts of fat and no fat talk. That is where our dialogue started.
A summary: the article discussed how a "No Fat Talk" week was implemented to avoid negative body image and to reinforce the idea that beauty was not tied to fat. They interviewed people who worked in dance, an area that is rife with heavy pressure to conform to a body beauty ideal. The concept seemed to work well, but there are still body image issues.
While I understand what "No Fat Talk" week is about, I can also see why people were lashing back. Eliminating the word "fat" from our conversation isn't going to eliminate body issues. Oh no. They are still there. If we did not work with positive reconditioning and self-acceptance, the word fat will have an effect, whether or not it is used in conversation. I understand that people use weight as an arbiter of health and attractiveness. For example, "You look great! Did you lose weight!" or "Wow, you've come into your shape." Things like that always point towards weight gain or loss. And we cannot use weight as an arbiter of health, happiness, or style.
My biggest gripe comes from the fact that people focus on weight so much as an issue of fashion or image. Nobody discusses the dangers of weight loss or gain. Done radically or unnecessarily, you put yourself in dangerous situations. Perhaps we should talk about weight in regards to health: physical, emotional, and psychological. After all, you could be skinny, but if you do not work out and keep your body healthy, you could have a plethora of health problems that a person that could be considered overweight (but works out) has.
Weight should not be a measure of happiness. For some, weight loss or gain will come with happiness, but I believe it is derived from the changes we see, not just because we are subjecting ourselves to roles. Happiness comes from accepting yourself and achieving things that make you feel good. My own weight loss brought me happiness not only because I found myself better in a physical image sense, but because my health was very much improved. My back problems got better, my knee pain subsided.
Perhaps this is my biggest problem with fashion lately. With magazines like Vogue Curvy, that feature one type of "curvy" and it is a highly fetishized and sexualized sort. When you have people like Karl Lagerfeld saying things like "Narrow ribcages are the chicest thing." or "The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."
Yes, the body has to be impeccable. Impeccably healthy, impeccably loved, no matter what. You can be the most fantastic looking person on the outside, but if you are emotionally, psychologically, and physically ill, you're not achieving anything.
Remember: your body is your own. You should be healthy, inside and out. There is beauty in all of us, don't let anybody police you into destroying yourself.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Hello, 2011
Hello, everyone! Hope you've had a happy holiday and a wonderful New Year's Eve. It's still holiday season in PR (what with Three Kings' Day going on tomorrow), so the tree is still up, presents are still hidden, and we're still trying to make the dog stop eating the ornaments. Thanks for sticking with me through the hiatus!
As you guys know, the end of 2010 was bittersweet to me. While I had some good times in 2010 (finishing & defending thesis, graduating, seeing my friends Gloria & Zeynep, Damián moving in), in December I lost two people unexpectedly: an old friend and my grandma. To say that it was sudden and shocking is an understatement; for the most part I am still reeling. I'm still confused and I still don't understand, but for the most part, I am being eaten alive by feelings of guilt and regret. Not spending enough time with these people. Not telling them how much I cared. And so forth.
Friends who have been through similar situations tell me that there's nothing I can do and that, somehow, they knew. And if they didn't, they understand now. While I keep trying to tell myself that, it's just difficult. It hurts. So now, I want to avoid this feeling. I want to tell the people I love how much I love them and care about them, so they know everyday that they're an important part of my life. Sad, to only engage in this after all these things have happened.
Sorry if I seem like a Debbie Downer, and to all those who are having wonderful starts in 2011, don't get down on my account! Stay strong and blaze through 2011 like the star that you are, dangit!
I will (hopefully) be returning to blogging on a regular basis soon. I have some leftover posts from this last December that I never got around to putting up (due to the sudden deaths of my old friend and grandmother). I will probably work my way through those and then provide you with brand new content. And, of course, my New Year's resolutions. Because what's a New Year without a resolution to feel tempted to break? :)
Stay safe everyone. Much love to all!
As you guys know, the end of 2010 was bittersweet to me. While I had some good times in 2010 (finishing & defending thesis, graduating, seeing my friends Gloria & Zeynep, Damián moving in), in December I lost two people unexpectedly: an old friend and my grandma. To say that it was sudden and shocking is an understatement; for the most part I am still reeling. I'm still confused and I still don't understand, but for the most part, I am being eaten alive by feelings of guilt and regret. Not spending enough time with these people. Not telling them how much I cared. And so forth.
Friends who have been through similar situations tell me that there's nothing I can do and that, somehow, they knew. And if they didn't, they understand now. While I keep trying to tell myself that, it's just difficult. It hurts. So now, I want to avoid this feeling. I want to tell the people I love how much I love them and care about them, so they know everyday that they're an important part of my life. Sad, to only engage in this after all these things have happened.
Sorry if I seem like a Debbie Downer, and to all those who are having wonderful starts in 2011, don't get down on my account! Stay strong and blaze through 2011 like the star that you are, dangit!
I will (hopefully) be returning to blogging on a regular basis soon. I have some leftover posts from this last December that I never got around to putting up (due to the sudden deaths of my old friend and grandmother). I will probably work my way through those and then provide you with brand new content. And, of course, my New Year's resolutions. Because what's a New Year without a resolution to feel tempted to break? :)
Stay safe everyone. Much love to all!
Monday, December 27, 2010
A sad Christmas
I sincerely hope everybody had a happy holiday. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed away on Christmas morning. To say that it has been difficult would be an understatement. It was sudden and unexpected, but when the phone rang so early (almost at dawn) on Christmas day, I knew.
My grandmother would've been 89 years old in April. She lived a full life, but at the end, she succumbed to illnesses that come with age. I hadn't seen her for a few years, simply because I couldn't stand to see her like that. I know it's not the best reason, but whenever I saw her, she just got worse. She didn't recognize anybody anymore. The only peace that I get is knowing that it was quick; she was barely in the hospital for an hour before she passed.
Things are probably going to be a little quiet around here while I deal and adjust. I've been mostly calm, but it's a confused calm. And a calm infused with guilt. Like, I shouldn't be enjoying myself this holiday season because she can't. And I'm sad. Thankfully, Damian, my family and friends have all been great support.
So, I do wish you a happy holidays, but I'll be quiet for a while. Maybe a few days, a few weeks. But I hope you are appreciating everybody you care for. You never know when something like this will strike.
Much love to you all.
My grandmother would've been 89 years old in April. She lived a full life, but at the end, she succumbed to illnesses that come with age. I hadn't seen her for a few years, simply because I couldn't stand to see her like that. I know it's not the best reason, but whenever I saw her, she just got worse. She didn't recognize anybody anymore. The only peace that I get is knowing that it was quick; she was barely in the hospital for an hour before she passed.
Things are probably going to be a little quiet around here while I deal and adjust. I've been mostly calm, but it's a confused calm. And a calm infused with guilt. Like, I shouldn't be enjoying myself this holiday season because she can't. And I'm sad. Thankfully, Damian, my family and friends have all been great support.
So, I do wish you a happy holidays, but I'll be quiet for a while. Maybe a few days, a few weeks. But I hope you are appreciating everybody you care for. You never know when something like this will strike.
Much love to you all.
Monday, December 13, 2010
In memory of...
Posts will continue in their regular consistency and upbeat attitude, but I just wanted to let you know of a situation that I’m going through. I also needed to unload, express how I feel, since I've been upset and emotional about it since Saturday. I usually don’t go into very personal things here (though my definition of personal is perhaps very different, as I talk about poop, weight issues, depression, etc), but I’m going through a tough time since this past Saturday. Through Facebook, I received a message from an old ex-friend in regards to an old university friend of mine. It stated that if I could get into contact with another friend because our friend, A, had passed away.
When I read the e-mail, I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t. We hadn’t heard from him for a couple of years; he’d disappeared from the university. My friend K managed to get into contact with him a few months ago, but he was not as open as he was before. Again, we didn’t know how he passed. We had speculated, due to the sad state of affairs this country is in, that he had either been a victim of a hate crime or he had committed suicide.
Today, I found out that he had committed suicide last week, from Sunday to Monday. He left no note; he was found in his dorm.
A was one of the most beautiful and amazing people we’d ever known. He was open and sincere, and he was always willing to hear you and try to help you out. I still remember him going to school in his long black skirts. He also had the most beautiful black hair. We loved running our hands through it. I remember K and I arguing with him about missing class and getting ridiculously drunk. I remember him getting the highest score in his entire class while he was drunk. We berated him for it, but still. A was incredibly smart. I will always remember him.
When I found out that he died, I immediately felt the urge to vomit. The thoughts racing through my head were that somebody killed him or he committed suicide. A was gay and he had faced harassment and discrimination from both random people and, to make things worse, his family. His parents forced him into a “de-gay” program, made him go to a psychiatrist and put him under heavy anti-psychotics. A wasn’t psychotic. He just was A. Gay or not, he didn’t deserve anything that happened to him and now I feel like shit because I’m thinking we could’ve done more for him.
I don’t think I can say anything else except that people have to accept others as they are. The type of discrimination that many people face, be they emos, goths, GLBT community, and sundry, is ridiculous and unnecessary. Underneath it all, we’re all the same. We are human beings with feelings, thoughts, memories, and connections between us. Why can’t we all just get along? Why can’t we all just respect each other? It’s the least we could do.
A, we will miss you. We will never forget you. I hope that now you’ve found the peace that you so searched for in life, even though we will miss you. While you were with us, you made us so happy. We love you very much, and we're sorry we couldn't do more.
When I read the e-mail, I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t. We hadn’t heard from him for a couple of years; he’d disappeared from the university. My friend K managed to get into contact with him a few months ago, but he was not as open as he was before. Again, we didn’t know how he passed. We had speculated, due to the sad state of affairs this country is in, that he had either been a victim of a hate crime or he had committed suicide.
Today, I found out that he had committed suicide last week, from Sunday to Monday. He left no note; he was found in his dorm.
A was one of the most beautiful and amazing people we’d ever known. He was open and sincere, and he was always willing to hear you and try to help you out. I still remember him going to school in his long black skirts. He also had the most beautiful black hair. We loved running our hands through it. I remember K and I arguing with him about missing class and getting ridiculously drunk. I remember him getting the highest score in his entire class while he was drunk. We berated him for it, but still. A was incredibly smart. I will always remember him.
When I found out that he died, I immediately felt the urge to vomit. The thoughts racing through my head were that somebody killed him or he committed suicide. A was gay and he had faced harassment and discrimination from both random people and, to make things worse, his family. His parents forced him into a “de-gay” program, made him go to a psychiatrist and put him under heavy anti-psychotics. A wasn’t psychotic. He just was A. Gay or not, he didn’t deserve anything that happened to him and now I feel like shit because I’m thinking we could’ve done more for him.
I don’t think I can say anything else except that people have to accept others as they are. The type of discrimination that many people face, be they emos, goths, GLBT community, and sundry, is ridiculous and unnecessary. Underneath it all, we’re all the same. We are human beings with feelings, thoughts, memories, and connections between us. Why can’t we all just get along? Why can’t we all just respect each other? It’s the least we could do.
A, we will miss you. We will never forget you. I hope that now you’ve found the peace that you so searched for in life, even though we will miss you. While you were with us, you made us so happy. We love you very much, and we're sorry we couldn't do more.
Friday, December 03, 2010
Working dog.
This is a situation I run into often.
He's all, excuse me, woman. I have to work.
And then I fret, of course, because I'm his mother. What's he doing? Is he on the internet? Should I make him an account with parental controls? Is he looking for a partner? Does he manage stocks online? Does he have a blog? A Facebook? A Twitter?! A doggie mom could go mad while contemplating the possibilities.
It's 12AM. Do you know where your dog is? Online?
He's all, excuse me, woman. I have to work.
And then I fret, of course, because I'm his mother. What's he doing? Is he on the internet? Should I make him an account with parental controls? Is he looking for a partner? Does he manage stocks online? Does he have a blog? A Facebook? A Twitter?! A doggie mom could go mad while contemplating the possibilities.
It's 12AM. Do you know where your dog is? Online?
Monday, November 29, 2010
The morning of our discontent.
The morning of the statement tights outfit, what I ended up wearing was not what I started out with. I was originally going to try for a louder outfit, but it just didn’t work. I changed my top half around twice, which is not a lot, but drove Damián nuts. (Sorry Damián, I am going to bring this up!) I wanted something to accentuate my waist in this outfit since I was wearing a sleeveless cardigan that wasn’t very tailored. He doesn’t like me wearing belts. And then he drops the bomb,
You’re just going to work. It’s not fashion.
And so I whirled my head at him aghast. What? What did you just say to me, sir?
I know he meant well, but here’s the thing. How many of us have gone through shitty moments at work and all that’s getting us through is good fashion, good friends, and a jelly donut? Sometimes we need to look good for ourselves, not just for our job. It’s for our well-being. A peek at our amazing shoes, crazy tights, or yummy details on our top or bottom can help distract us from a lousy day. I know that for many people it’s just clothes, but for a great deal more, clothes can make or break a mood. Even my boy isn’t exempt from fashion: he loves his Calvin Klein!
So, bottom line: next time you see your significant other struggling to look fab, don’t tell them it’s just work or clothes. To them it may mean a whole lot more and could make a difference in how they present themselves to the world. To them, a crappy outfit may bring them down. So help them figure it out. Just make sure that if you’re running out of time, be tactful! ;)
You’re just going to work. It’s not fashion.
And so I whirled my head at him aghast. What? What did you just say to me, sir?
I know he meant well, but here’s the thing. How many of us have gone through shitty moments at work and all that’s getting us through is good fashion, good friends, and a jelly donut? Sometimes we need to look good for ourselves, not just for our job. It’s for our well-being. A peek at our amazing shoes, crazy tights, or yummy details on our top or bottom can help distract us from a lousy day. I know that for many people it’s just clothes, but for a great deal more, clothes can make or break a mood. Even my boy isn’t exempt from fashion: he loves his Calvin Klein!
So, bottom line: next time you see your significant other struggling to look fab, don’t tell them it’s just work or clothes. To them it may mean a whole lot more and could make a difference in how they present themselves to the world. To them, a crappy outfit may bring them down. So help them figure it out. Just make sure that if you’re running out of time, be tactful! ;)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Everything's going to the dogs.
Ever since I can remember, I would ask my parents for a dog. Everyday. Every single day! I'd beg, plead, promise to feed, bathe, and brush the dog (or dogs, I wasn't going to reject multiple canines). All this to no avail. The parental units didn't want to get dogs. Specially after the death of their beloved German Sheperd Savage, just a mere 6 months after I was born. They wanted to spare me the pain they went through when they lost him. So, no dogs were allowed. I had fish (one of them was suicidal: he kept jumping out of the fish tank until we weren't able to save him), chickens, and ducks. I had a cat for 2 weeks and then they found it another home.
However, I hadn't given up though. I still asked my parents for a dog everyday. Until I gave up. 13 years (well, not 13 years exactly....more like 10) of asking had taken their toll so I gave up. And then Chewy showed up.
He sneaked into my father's workplace and dad found him in the morning. Chewy (short for Chewbacca) has now been living with us for 14 years. He's an old grumpy butt, but we love his old grumpy butt. 2 years after that, this later lady arrived. Meet Maya.
She came to us during Hurricane Georges passing over Puerto Rico. At first, she would stand in front of our house and wait for us to go pet her. Then she would start sneaking in until she disappeared one day. My mother felt so bad that she swore to take care of her if she returned. And so Maya showed up and stayed home forever. With the exception of those occasional times she'd escape to chase chickens down the road. Yay!
We'd thought we were done with being dog adopted, but we were a couple short. One day at school, I saw this little one about to get run over and took her home. I fully meant to find her a place. I just didn't know (secretly wished it, though) that it would be mine. This is Patch.
Finally, one day, I got home and this little one was waiting by the door. You may know him! This little red devil is Genghis.
You may have noticed that I said dog adopted, not adopting dogs. I mean that. The dogs showed up and chose us as their family. We sort of had no say in the matter. We couldn't say no. Not that we really wanted to :) I mean, how could you wanted to dismiss them?
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