On the Subject of Weight

Weight is a very personal subject matter. Whatever you do or don't do to your body is a highly individual decision that shouldn't be influenced by society. Friends and/or family are the only ones that I believe have some say on the matter, particularly if you are in a dangerous situation caused by your weight. But, other than that, I don't think anyone should intervene.

My problem is that many blogs/people/media outlets feel it's their business to go around policing people's bodies, in particular, their weight, shape, and size. Apparently, being a certain size is only acceptable in certain situations. And most of these situations are hypersexualized or highly fetishized. In the end, you're not being loved or accepted for yourself. You're being tentatively welcomed in by molding into their notions of what is acceptable in weight, shape, and size. If you don't concede, fit in, you can ship out.

I think I am particularly sensitive to this because my teenage years were spent with a couple of extra pounds on. While I am tall and many people would argue that the weight wasn't that visible, it was visible enough for some people to poke fun at. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't give the matter much thought, as I honestly considered high school just a pit stop for a greater time in life. What really annoyed me, in the years to come, were the concepts attached to people who carry extra weight and the way that weight loss/gain/etc. was approached.

This all came to a head during a conversation with a good friend of mine. We began talking about a thread on social media that she started innocently enough. A short while ago, there was a "No Fat Talk" week, and she posted about that on Google Buzz. The conversation went well until some people started reacting negatively to the concepts of fat and no fat talk. That is where our dialogue started.

A summary: the article discussed how a "No Fat Talk" week was implemented to avoid negative body image and to reinforce the idea that beauty was not tied to fat. They interviewed people who worked in dance, an area that is rife with heavy pressure to conform to a body beauty ideal. The concept seemed to work well, but there are still body image issues.

While I understand what "No Fat Talk" week is about, I can also see why people were lashing back. Eliminating the word "fat" from our conversation isn't going to eliminate body issues. Oh no. They are still there. If we did not work with positive reconditioning and self-acceptance, the word fat will have an effect, whether or not it is used in conversation. I understand that people use weight as an arbiter of health and attractiveness. For example, "You look great! Did you lose weight!" or "Wow, you've come into your shape." Things like that always point towards weight gain or loss. And we cannot use weight as an arbiter of health, happiness, or style.

My biggest gripe comes from the fact that people focus on weight so much as an issue of fashion or image. Nobody discusses the dangers of weight loss or gain. Done radically or unnecessarily, you put yourself in dangerous situations. Perhaps we should talk about weight in regards to health: physical, emotional, and psychological. After all, you could be skinny, but if you do not work out and keep your body healthy, you could have a plethora of health problems that a person that could be considered overweight (but works out) has.

Weight should not be a measure of happiness. For some, weight loss or gain will come with happiness, but I believe it is derived from the changes we see, not just because we are subjecting ourselves to roles. Happiness comes from accepting yourself and achieving things that make you feel good. My own weight loss brought me happiness not only because I found myself better in a physical image sense, but because my health was very much improved. My back problems got better, my knee pain subsided.

Perhaps this is my biggest problem with fashion lately. With magazines like Vogue Curvy, that feature one type of "curvy" and it is a highly fetishized and sexualized sort. When you have people like Karl Lagerfeld saying things like "Narrow ribcages are the chicest thing." or "The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."

Yes, the body has to be impeccable. Impeccably healthy, impeccably loved, no matter what. You can be the most fantastic looking person on the outside, but if you are emotionally, psychologically, and physically ill, you're not achieving anything.

Remember: your body is your own. You should be healthy, inside and out. There is beauty in all of us, don't let anybody police you into destroying yourself.

Like a Fine Wine

(Picture taken by me in Georgetown, DC.)

It would be presumptuous of me to say that I'm like a fine wine, but I want to talk about aging in general. Why is it that perceptions agree that wine gets better with age while people do not? People, specially women, are under the age pendulum. That is, each year is a pass of the pendulum. As you grow older, the blade gets closer. Until your "shelf life" is done, and, swoosh! You are doomed to conservative mom jeans and tasteful twin sets forever.

I disagree. While I am only 27, I feel much better now about myself than I did when I was 24 or 19 or 16. I've heard so many people say that high school was "the best time in their life". Aren't they cutting themselves off a little early? Raising the bar too much? Ultimately, they're carving out a self-fulfilling prophecy. In their minds, nothing will compare to those glory days, no matter how many fantastic opportunities cross their way.

We should be like wine. We should say we are such. We get better with age. We grow wiser, settle into our figures, and go about what we want with great determination. After years of struggling with confidence and body issues, I can slowly feel them melting away. Sure, sometimes I look in the mirror and those old teenage/young adult fears pop back, but they flutter away in a second. At look at myself and say, "You're pretty." And while sometimes it's still hard to believe (thanks to years of abusive friendships/relationships and low self-esteem), it's easier to look in the mirror and agree.

I refuse to believe that just because I'm nearing 30, I'm old news. I refuse to believe that being anything over a size 4 is a failure and that I'm not beautiful because of it. I refuse to believe that there are no chances left and that I will never achieve what I'm working for. I refuse to believe all the negative energy that soul-sucking people mete out, simply because it just takes away so much time and effort from the pursuits one really wants. It's a waste! Don't throw away your time thinking about these things, just concentrate on the here and now.

The glory days are not done. I repeat, not done. Far from it. Each day, we are carving our own paths and heading in the right direction. Our direction. Following our dreams, whatever they may be. I know mainstream media is trying to hype that 30/40/50 are the new 20/30, but guess what? Behind the marketing lies a veritable truth. We do get better with age. We learn, mature, and grow into ourselves, becoming more beautiful and stronger thanks to the lessons learned and the poise we've developed.

So let's go get a glass of wine and celebrate!

On the subject of weight

How're you doing? Everything good? Sit down, have some tea. Biscuit? Good, it may come in handy. This may take a while.

I've always been active. Some way or another, I always managed to run, jump, and over all get my exercise. I did have a bit of baby fat as a child, which developed into over 40 to 50 pounds of extra weight as a teenager. But I always managed to get some exercise. Be it at Phys Ed class, walking to dad's garage after school, or doing my chores at home (helloooo, yard work!). Needless to say, the extra weight did come with its consequences: I have scoliosis and sundry conditions that were affected by the extra weight on my joints. For me, weight has always been an issue of health and vanity. I get upset because I can't fit into my pants, but I get even more upset when my knees hurt or my back is killing me.

That said, weight is all around us. Or rather, the subject of weight. Whereas before carrying an extra pound or two was a sign of health and abundance (after all, it signified that you were wealthy or capable to afford extra food; you were not left wanting), now extra weight is seen as a sign of sloth and carelessness towards oneself. How did this all change? What triggered this? More importantly, what can we do to change these conceptions?

In the fashion world, the subject of weight is always involved. Even if it is not discussed, it is still there, out in the open. And it is quite a loud subject. It's there, screaming from the ads, the runways, the clothes, and the attitudes displayed by the creators and the consumers. In a way, fashion has become an Idealogical State Apparatus (ISA), and it perpetuates the more of thin is in. Even though there have been attempts to "normalize" weight in the fashion atmosphere (ie, the BMI standard, Crystal Renn, new designers embracing different shapes), we haven't really seen any actual steps forward. We still see hangers walking down the runway. We still have discrimination in the name of business and economics (thanks to the age old excuse that it's better to make a sample size and send that down). And, furthermore, the concept of normalization. What is normal? There is no singular body shape that dominates the world, so why are we trying to make it one size fits all?

It is important to note that I am not condemning the people who suffer from the subject of weight. If you are thin, average, overweight, it doesn't matter to me. What is important, however, is that you be healthy. That is all I argue for. And the fashion industry, to my view, doesn't promote healthy. It promotes underage, undeveloped and excessively thin bodies. Many of these new models are still in the early stages of adolescence. Their bodies are thin, spindly, growing out yet not filling out. Why are they being subjected to the idea of thin and working out at such an early age? Just look at what happened to Coco Rocha. God forbid that she grow into an adult and get some weight on her hips. What is she now, a 4? And she has been mostly marginalized by mainstream runways.

I think that the media and many of us don't realize that our weight is in a constant state of flux. We will never be same weight all the time. Sure, we can be within the same range, which is give or take 5 pounds from our usual weight. But our weight will never be constant. We are machines that intake and process elements. These elements carry weight in and of themselves. Furthermore, these elements and our body produce weight through the process of waste disposal (aka urine and feces). And add to that that some foods and drinks make us bloat, so there. More weight. Water weight! So why are we freaking out because, oh my sweet Dior pencil skirt, we've gained a pound or two or three since Thanksgiving? I don't know about you, but I did an awful lot of eating, so I know I will be bloated and heavier. But it's just my body processing all that I put in it. Why freak out?

This all came to being due to a conversation I had with a close friend some time ago. Ria, whose always been thin, has been really into working out and health issues for more than a year now. She's always been active, but upon starting a new workout regimen, she's become more aware of her body and health. She hasn't lost weight, in fact, I do believe she's gained it. In muscle. And she looks great because she's eating healthy and working out so she can be healthy. She derives great physical and mental health from it, and that's what's important about working out.

Ria and I were discussing the concept of "No Fat Talk" Week and how it may make a small difference, but it's not attacking the whole. It just further cements the divisiveness of the subject. We can't keep putting everything into the fat and thin boxes. We need to talk about the issues and fears underlying these categorizations. By just saying, you look thin or you look overweight, you're making a blanket statement. Why is that person thin? Why is that person overweight. Is it a medical condition? Is it due to psychoemotional issues? These are the things that have to be discussed. Health! Vanity will always be a part of the weight issue, but it shouldn't be the be all and end all.

Our health comes first, always.

As someone who's an academic (my two degrees are in English, specialty Literature, but I focus on gender, minority, and social media issues), an ex-athlete, and a person who has been over and underweight, I always analyze it through those glasses. As an academic, I see the ramifications, the significations, the concepts abounding. Or at least, in theory. The loss or gain of weight in fashion is seen as a subjection or finding of the self. It can also be a protest towards the fashion standards. But then, why do some yield? For all the talk that Crystal Renn has done, she is facing a lot of criticism for losing weight. Same goes to many other mainstream actors, models, musicians, and so forth. And let's not get into the world of dance, what with Alaistar Macaulay's incredibly rude and insensitive comment towards premier ballerina Jenifer Ringer.

I want to hear your thoughts. Are there any steps do you think we should take as a consumer and creator collective to change these perceptions? What can we do? Have you been victimized because of weight? Let's get talking!