Dear Jehova's Witnesses:

All those pamphlets you leave at my house? The dog eats them. Not because I give them to her, but because she takes them from the fence and rips them apart. Yum.

I'd like to think that this is because, like her "mom," she is a rebel at heart and she challenges the conventions of organized religion like I do. But I acknowledge that it's probably just her canine pupper instinct to seize anything inanimate and shred it to bits. Still, one can hope.