On the Subject of Weight

Weight is a very personal subject matter. Whatever you do or don't do to your body is a highly individual decision that shouldn't be influenced by society. Friends and/or family are the only ones that I believe have some say on the matter, particularly if you are in a dangerous situation caused by your weight. But, other than that, I don't think anyone should intervene.

My problem is that many blogs/people/media outlets feel it's their business to go around policing people's bodies, in particular, their weight, shape, and size. Apparently, being a certain size is only acceptable in certain situations. And most of these situations are hypersexualized or highly fetishized. In the end, you're not being loved or accepted for yourself. You're being tentatively welcomed in by molding into their notions of what is acceptable in weight, shape, and size. If you don't concede, fit in, you can ship out.

I think I am particularly sensitive to this because my teenage years were spent with a couple of extra pounds on. While I am tall and many people would argue that the weight wasn't that visible, it was visible enough for some people to poke fun at. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't give the matter much thought, as I honestly considered high school just a pit stop for a greater time in life. What really annoyed me, in the years to come, were the concepts attached to people who carry extra weight and the way that weight loss/gain/etc. was approached.

This all came to a head during a conversation with a good friend of mine. We began talking about a thread on social media that she started innocently enough. A short while ago, there was a "No Fat Talk" week, and she posted about that on Google Buzz. The conversation went well until some people started reacting negatively to the concepts of fat and no fat talk. That is where our dialogue started.

A summary: the article discussed how a "No Fat Talk" week was implemented to avoid negative body image and to reinforce the idea that beauty was not tied to fat. They interviewed people who worked in dance, an area that is rife with heavy pressure to conform to a body beauty ideal. The concept seemed to work well, but there are still body image issues.

While I understand what "No Fat Talk" week is about, I can also see why people were lashing back. Eliminating the word "fat" from our conversation isn't going to eliminate body issues. Oh no. They are still there. If we did not work with positive reconditioning and self-acceptance, the word fat will have an effect, whether or not it is used in conversation. I understand that people use weight as an arbiter of health and attractiveness. For example, "You look great! Did you lose weight!" or "Wow, you've come into your shape." Things like that always point towards weight gain or loss. And we cannot use weight as an arbiter of health, happiness, or style.

My biggest gripe comes from the fact that people focus on weight so much as an issue of fashion or image. Nobody discusses the dangers of weight loss or gain. Done radically or unnecessarily, you put yourself in dangerous situations. Perhaps we should talk about weight in regards to health: physical, emotional, and psychological. After all, you could be skinny, but if you do not work out and keep your body healthy, you could have a plethora of health problems that a person that could be considered overweight (but works out) has.

Weight should not be a measure of happiness. For some, weight loss or gain will come with happiness, but I believe it is derived from the changes we see, not just because we are subjecting ourselves to roles. Happiness comes from accepting yourself and achieving things that make you feel good. My own weight loss brought me happiness not only because I found myself better in a physical image sense, but because my health was very much improved. My back problems got better, my knee pain subsided.

Perhaps this is my biggest problem with fashion lately. With magazines like Vogue Curvy, that feature one type of "curvy" and it is a highly fetishized and sexualized sort. When you have people like Karl Lagerfeld saying things like "Narrow ribcages are the chicest thing." or "The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."

Yes, the body has to be impeccable. Impeccably healthy, impeccably loved, no matter what. You can be the most fantastic looking person on the outside, but if you are emotionally, psychologically, and physically ill, you're not achieving anything.

Remember: your body is your own. You should be healthy, inside and out. There is beauty in all of us, don't let anybody police you into destroying yourself.

Oh, Scott Schumann: What in the What Are You Thinking?

First I would like you to read this:

The Sartorialist Ponders...from Style.com

Then this, from The Sunday Best:

George Clooney is a Fairly Useless Style Icon

Finally, this from Decoding Dress:

Dear Sartorialist: Let's Chat about Fashion Blogs

Let's discuss.

Having a Budget = I Can't Dress Nice?

About a week or two ago, there was a big brouhaha over a post that Gwyneth Paltrow put up on her website, GOOP. It was a feature on her "essentials", and her items (a dress, sandals, cardigan, and bag) totaled around $18,000. Yes, you read right. Granted, she collaborated with Net-a-Porter. While I know that Ms. Paltrow is accustomed to such a lifestyle, it's particularly disheartening to see that the majority of fashion magazines list as essentials things that cost more that a month's salary.

I understand that most magazines are for inspiration, but they still sell the fantasy. I'm not going to lie and say that my wardrobe lacks expensive things. I love Marc Jacobs; I have a couple of his items that get much wear. However, I generally buy them second-hand through eBay or fashion communities where I can guarantee their authenticity and care. But, I'm getting sidetracked. My point is that I don't have money to burn. I like to save so I can travel and create wonderful memories, not dump all my cash on one dress that I would probably rip thanks to my fantastic agility and grace. Really, I've lost count on how many times I've hooked my clothes on grates, fences, doors, and sundry.

What bugs me even more is when fashion magazines make so-called "budget" features that have items that are well over a hundred dollars. I'm sorry, but I cannot afford to toss around that much money for jeans, much less a t-shirt. What with my bad knees, right foot, and back, I am forced to invest in good shoes that provide proper support, but even then, I make an effort to find said shoe at the lowest price. My most recent expensive buy was a BCBG dress for a friend's wedding. It is beautiful, and I love it to bits. But I cried as I handed over the credit card.

It was only $130.

Call me a miser, a cheapy, a Scrooge, but I'd rather put my money where it counts. Good jewelry that will become family heirlooms, travel, presents for my family and loved ones, money for animal charities, or crafting materials, I'd rather save for that. Whenever I buy something, I figure out the cost per wear and make damn sure that it's worth it, because otherwise, it's sitting in the closet. Doing nothing. Except maybe mocking me.

If I don't buy thrifted or make my own, most of my clothes come from regular stores like Old Navy, Gap, Ann Taylor, and Zara. Kmart and Walmart figure in frequently. I used to shop at Forever 21, but after reading up more on the company's practices, I haven't really stepped foot into the store in around 6 months. If I want something fancy, I go to eBay or the fashion selling groups. And I usually buy at the outlets. Sure, I have a Marc Jacobs, but it was bought on eBay with a steep discount.

Getting back on track, I think that my biggest gripe with the whole thing is how it affects consumers. I feel that magazines, media, everything that is shopping related, send the message that if you do not buy pricey items, then you are not fashionable. That in price point, there is class and quality. That you have class and quality. And I do not appreciate that. I do not want to be held in contempt for wearing something second hand or from an everyday store. I am not my jeans, my top, or my shoes. Clothing doesn't define me, it is simply an accessory that I use to express myself.

What do you think? Do you think magazines should tone it down and present more accessible options? Or are they just fine as is?

I want to hear what you think!

Like a Fine Wine

(Picture taken by me in Georgetown, DC.)

It would be presumptuous of me to say that I'm like a fine wine, but I want to talk about aging in general. Why is it that perceptions agree that wine gets better with age while people do not? People, specially women, are under the age pendulum. That is, each year is a pass of the pendulum. As you grow older, the blade gets closer. Until your "shelf life" is done, and, swoosh! You are doomed to conservative mom jeans and tasteful twin sets forever.

I disagree. While I am only 27, I feel much better now about myself than I did when I was 24 or 19 or 16. I've heard so many people say that high school was "the best time in their life". Aren't they cutting themselves off a little early? Raising the bar too much? Ultimately, they're carving out a self-fulfilling prophecy. In their minds, nothing will compare to those glory days, no matter how many fantastic opportunities cross their way.

We should be like wine. We should say we are such. We get better with age. We grow wiser, settle into our figures, and go about what we want with great determination. After years of struggling with confidence and body issues, I can slowly feel them melting away. Sure, sometimes I look in the mirror and those old teenage/young adult fears pop back, but they flutter away in a second. At look at myself and say, "You're pretty." And while sometimes it's still hard to believe (thanks to years of abusive friendships/relationships and low self-esteem), it's easier to look in the mirror and agree.

I refuse to believe that just because I'm nearing 30, I'm old news. I refuse to believe that being anything over a size 4 is a failure and that I'm not beautiful because of it. I refuse to believe that there are no chances left and that I will never achieve what I'm working for. I refuse to believe all the negative energy that soul-sucking people mete out, simply because it just takes away so much time and effort from the pursuits one really wants. It's a waste! Don't throw away your time thinking about these things, just concentrate on the here and now.

The glory days are not done. I repeat, not done. Far from it. Each day, we are carving our own paths and heading in the right direction. Our direction. Following our dreams, whatever they may be. I know mainstream media is trying to hype that 30/40/50 are the new 20/30, but guess what? Behind the marketing lies a veritable truth. We do get better with age. We learn, mature, and grow into ourselves, becoming more beautiful and stronger thanks to the lessons learned and the poise we've developed.

So let's go get a glass of wine and celebrate!