On the Subject of Weight

Weight is a very personal subject matter. Whatever you do or don't do to your body is a highly individual decision that shouldn't be influenced by society. Friends and/or family are the only ones that I believe have some say on the matter, particularly if you are in a dangerous situation caused by your weight. But, other than that, I don't think anyone should intervene.

My problem is that many blogs/people/media outlets feel it's their business to go around policing people's bodies, in particular, their weight, shape, and size. Apparently, being a certain size is only acceptable in certain situations. And most of these situations are hypersexualized or highly fetishized. In the end, you're not being loved or accepted for yourself. You're being tentatively welcomed in by molding into their notions of what is acceptable in weight, shape, and size. If you don't concede, fit in, you can ship out.

I think I am particularly sensitive to this because my teenage years were spent with a couple of extra pounds on. While I am tall and many people would argue that the weight wasn't that visible, it was visible enough for some people to poke fun at. I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't give the matter much thought, as I honestly considered high school just a pit stop for a greater time in life. What really annoyed me, in the years to come, were the concepts attached to people who carry extra weight and the way that weight loss/gain/etc. was approached.

This all came to a head during a conversation with a good friend of mine. We began talking about a thread on social media that she started innocently enough. A short while ago, there was a "No Fat Talk" week, and she posted about that on Google Buzz. The conversation went well until some people started reacting negatively to the concepts of fat and no fat talk. That is where our dialogue started.

A summary: the article discussed how a "No Fat Talk" week was implemented to avoid negative body image and to reinforce the idea that beauty was not tied to fat. They interviewed people who worked in dance, an area that is rife with heavy pressure to conform to a body beauty ideal. The concept seemed to work well, but there are still body image issues.

While I understand what "No Fat Talk" week is about, I can also see why people were lashing back. Eliminating the word "fat" from our conversation isn't going to eliminate body issues. Oh no. They are still there. If we did not work with positive reconditioning and self-acceptance, the word fat will have an effect, whether or not it is used in conversation. I understand that people use weight as an arbiter of health and attractiveness. For example, "You look great! Did you lose weight!" or "Wow, you've come into your shape." Things like that always point towards weight gain or loss. And we cannot use weight as an arbiter of health, happiness, or style.

My biggest gripe comes from the fact that people focus on weight so much as an issue of fashion or image. Nobody discusses the dangers of weight loss or gain. Done radically or unnecessarily, you put yourself in dangerous situations. Perhaps we should talk about weight in regards to health: physical, emotional, and psychological. After all, you could be skinny, but if you do not work out and keep your body healthy, you could have a plethora of health problems that a person that could be considered overweight (but works out) has.

Weight should not be a measure of happiness. For some, weight loss or gain will come with happiness, but I believe it is derived from the changes we see, not just because we are subjecting ourselves to roles. Happiness comes from accepting yourself and achieving things that make you feel good. My own weight loss brought me happiness not only because I found myself better in a physical image sense, but because my health was very much improved. My back problems got better, my knee pain subsided.

Perhaps this is my biggest problem with fashion lately. With magazines like Vogue Curvy, that feature one type of "curvy" and it is a highly fetishized and sexualized sort. When you have people like Karl Lagerfeld saying things like "Narrow ribcages are the chicest thing." or "The body has to be impeccable. If it's not, buy small sizes and eat less food."

Yes, the body has to be impeccable. Impeccably healthy, impeccably loved, no matter what. You can be the most fantastic looking person on the outside, but if you are emotionally, psychologically, and physically ill, you're not achieving anything.

Remember: your body is your own. You should be healthy, inside and out. There is beauty in all of us, don't let anybody police you into destroying yourself.

Dress Your Best Week: 1

Ever since I stumbled upon AcademiChic's Dress Your Best Week last year, I was...obsessed. I wanted to participate, but I didn't want to do it without AcademicChic's "permission" so to speak. I felt I was stealing their idea if I didn't wait until they decided to do it again.

Thanks to Already Pretty, I can now do it! In her usual links post, she mentioned that AcademiChic was doing it again! And, though a bit late, I'm jumping at the chance to be a part of this.

That said, I do believe you should dress your best every day, week, month, year. But I'll go deeper into that when I do my finishing post for Dress Your Best Week. But I'd really like to thank AcademiChic for doing this again and Already Pretty for giving the heads up.

Dress Your Best: Legs

When I was little, I didn't really pay attention to my legs. But I sure used them. Jumping off roofs, running, dancing, skating, you name it. I was a bit clumsy, but proud and happy that I had two healthy legs that could take me wherever I needed and wanted.

As time passed and I became a teenager, I grew to appreciate my legs. They were toned and athletic, probably thanks to genetic predisposition and years of running around the yard, chasing pets and crazy cousins. However, I had already received the first of several injuries that would make life a little cumbersome today. Worse, I was being harassed by the person I considered my best friend, and one of the things she did was try to demean my somewhat okay self-image.

I was overweight and sensitive about my figure. I was tall, chubby, and to make things worse for a high school kid, I looked nothing like my classmates. Years later I would learn to love my extremely mixed heritage that made me into the person I am today, but back then, it was difficult to stand out like a sore thumb. Worse, I did not want to conform to the societal beaty standards being imposed upon me. All in all, I figured that I had nice legs, a nice butt, and some pretty good shoulders. If anything, I thought that as the years passed, I would grow into my body or change it for the better. As our friendship slowly but surely spiraled into oblivion, she began to say abusive, hurtful things about my personality and my body, in addition to escalating to actual violence.

It's always easier to believe the negative. I wonder why.

For a long time, I thought my legs were horrible. I suddenly noticed all the scars from my childhood adventures. Scars that once brought me pride and happy memories now embarrassed me and pointed out my inadequacy in a teenage world. I wondered if my legs were too thin or pale. I would bite my tongue and take a deep breath whenever she would suggest helpful things, like covering up those legs. It would take a long time to realize that my "friend" was full of utter crap. And even if I was imperfect, I had working parts, and that's all that mattered. I was just the way I supposed to be.

So now, I embrace my legs. Though every once in a while I'll wonder if that girl's taunts were true (chicken stick legs, gee thanks), if they were, it doesn't matter. These legs have helped me walk for miles, run for fun, kick for defense, dance like a dervish, swim in the wondrous sea, and make my way towards those I love. And that is why I dress them to their best. And I think they look pretty darned cute, too.

Outfit details:

Cardigan: Old Navy, $3.50

Dress: Fleamarket, $00.50
Belt: garage sale, $00.25

Shoes: BCBG outlet, $29.00

Join in on the self-love fun!