Music, shoes, and clothes, oh my!

Today I woke up and decided to get off my ass and exercise. Reasons causing this event are my psychiatrist and boyfriend saying: you know, you should exercise. And being insistent about it. That and the fact that I've been eating a lot of sugary junk lately, I might try to take advantage of all that lost weight and build some muscle.

Other than that, it's a known fact that exercise helps with depression so we'll see how it goes.

I'm updating my iPod now, iPod that has an identity crisis due to all the things that are put in it. I'm getting my indie fix with Long Blondes, The Rapture, and The Klaxons, a band I discovered on a fashion blog, no less! But that I've steadily come to adore. My mainstream music fix is being delivered with the adding of The Best of Bond, a staple of (for me) childhood songs since I grew up watching every Bond film ever made. Now, the one thing I want to find is the America -The Greatest Hits- CD but I can't find that anywhere...yes, I grew up hearing America, it's soft rock, do you have a problem with that?

It seems my OCD is a little more in check now that I'm aware of it. Some of the compulsions are kinda hard to get rid of (like my germphobia), but others seem to be more or less in my control now.

In other news, the .99 Ferragamos arrived on Monday! :D I put them on for school on Tuesday and D made fun saying that I wore them to school because they were only .99 cents. Poo. Of course not! They are very comfy. I'll take some pictures of them and put them up soon.

And it seems like I'm finally going to get my hands on some Marc Jacobs! If all goes well, I will score these puppies at one third of the original price. Score! I have a thing for Marc Jacobs and for red shoes, so I guess my quest in life is complete? My Dorothy complex will finally be satiated!

I never thought I'd buy shoes with hearts but, oh well! They are cute and they are Marc Jacobs. :)

Speaking of fashion, Stateside people, LOOK OUT! Proenza Schouler's line for Go International at Target is coming out in 4 DAYS! On February 4th, their highly anticipated line goes up for grabs. Oy, don't I sound like an ad? No matter. I wish I was in the States so I could get my hands on the purple dress...Vivi, I will harass you for that dress!!! And perhaps for some other things, when I get to lay my greedy eyes on the rest of the line. :) Don't worry, I'll send you the money. No soy mala paga! :P

I think it's funny that I talk about fashion and such so-called frivolous things (they're not frivolous to me) and not talk about other more serious things that are going on in my life. My second godmother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and while they caught it early and they were able to remove just the lump, she still needs chemotherapy. It was pretty horrifying to see her, her hands seemed so skinny. But she's really stubborn and a fighter, and we all think she'll make it through. Still, seeing her like that reminded me of what I went through with my grandmother, who died while being treated for breast cancer. I am terrified of cancer, since it took away grandma's life (and gave quite a scare to my mother when I was a child). I also developed a phobia of cutting my hair, since I still remember my grandmother being bald during her last months. To this day, when I get a haircut, I get the fear that it will never grow out. I am terrified of being bald.

It definitely sucks that this is happening while I'm going through my depression. It's obvious that I fear I will relive that part of my childhood (I was only nine when my grandmother passed) and it's pretty obvious that I'm blocking most of this out. I've done my best to desensitize myself, but who knows. I just hope she gets better.

The other bit of dark news is that one of my cousins is going to Iraq. I'm not too thrilled about this, but this is what he wanted, to make a career out of the army, so we'll see. I just hope he doesn't get hurt over there.

Maybe this is why I throw myself into the folds of fashion. Not only do I like it, but it's an escape from the reality of this world and I can merely focus on the beauty of an artifact that can be so ephemeral.

Gaudy.

While I normally don't go for over the top shoes, these have captured me. They're Tyler by Richard Tyler and they're going for 96 dollars at Bluefly. Damian thinks they're freaky, but he would still go out with me if I wore them. :P I think the heel is a little too chunky, but all in all, I like the mish mash, the clash of baubles and croc and chunk.



This is another thing that's caught my eye. I have two Eiffel Tower necklaces (bought in Paris!), but this one is just fantastic. While I'm not crazy over the Swaroski-covered Tower, I think the tiny tower and the Amour pendant are just chic. While this comes in silver, and usually I go for silver, there's something about the gold version of the necklace that just looks right. I really like this. The only thing that gets me is that it's 40 dollars! I know it's costume jewelry, but still.



And, finally, these flats by Steve Madden. They are so cute and even though it's cold (for me), they are just wonderful with dark jeans or with a light skirt or dress during the summer. They have these in Target (but in a navy patent leather version), but these are the ones I want. I have a Dorothy complex with shoes, I've always wanted a pair of red flats. We'll see if I pick these up.

There's one thing I haven't talked about that's been going on in my head lately, and it's the fact that I was diagnosed with OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I know that mentioning this after having a moment of fashion frivolity is a bit of an oxymoron but, oh well. I didn't really acknowledge it at first, but, upon reflecting and reading up on it, I realize it's true. Behavior that I thought was normal was revealed to be erratic. I'd thought that OCD was limited to repeating certain physical actions or having certain phobias, but it has a lot to do with thoughts as well. In a way, it's comforting to know that this is part of the problem, but it's disconcerting to think that I have all these things going on.

Anyway, still waiting on those Ferragamo shoes. Oh, where are they.

More black shoes.

Who just scored .99 Ferragamos on eBay?

Who?

That's right. Me.

*does victory dance all over office*

In other news, still depressed, still medicated, but, damn....99 cent Ferragamos!

No colors anymore I want them to turn black.

Fashion-wise, at least! Ever since I've gotten depressed, I've been wearing a lot of black. Or at least, one of my wardrobe elements is black. Also, contradictory enough, I've been a bit more adventurous with my wardrobe choices. I've been into layering a lot now. Here are some examples of the layering/black occurrences:



As you can see, I'm obsessed with those patent peeptoes. They're low and they're super comfortable. And the last shirt is a houndstooth print.

And now, it's back to school. It felt strange walking those halls, like it was so long ago. Another weird thing is that on the class syllabus, it was requested that if any students suffered from a condition, the should inform the professor. So, I had to say about my depression. Of course, I waited until everyone left so I could speak to her in private. Oh well.

I think a lot of people don't know what's going on or they surmise that I am better, but I'm not well yet. There is a lot of taking the grief underground, mainly because I don't want to worry people or because I believe that while I can talk about this in my blog and with my friends, there are some aspects that are private. There are some people that I have no plans on revealing my situation to, but, we're not going to talk about that. Wee.

Indulge me.

We will break from our constant moaning and groaning about depression and talk about pretty things for a minute.







I usually never like shoes that scream "label," but those B. Fendi sandals are fantastic. I love the YSL Dada shoes, and the first Fendi shoe is gorgeous. I am glad I am poor and they don't come in my size, though. Stella doesn't need anymore debt.